He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
