Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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