wanna go halves on a baby?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
jump out the window naked night went bad
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
