dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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