Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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