hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
