Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
