i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
