saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize