Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
