1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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