when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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