I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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