Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
