So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you had me at cake vodka
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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