So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
