Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
