please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
