She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
