my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am one with the molecules
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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