Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
