youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
