Quick, to the slutcave!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
