can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
