As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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