I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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