Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
