nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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