dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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