Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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