I could have mohawked her pubes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
