Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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