I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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