Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
