Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
