I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
