Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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