I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
