So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
