Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
