Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
