I have surprise drugs for everyone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
