Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?