happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.