Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.