And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
