I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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