if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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