he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
