I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is Oprah even human
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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