she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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