The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
