When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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