It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
try to milk me bitch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
