hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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