Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT