Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
