I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We are two peas in an std pod
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
