You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.