Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

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  (262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum
  Replies (36) Good night (10660) Bad night (918)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash

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  (204): My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash http://tfl.nu/m3vz
  Replies (15) Good night (7620) Bad night (853)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

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  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
  Replies (13) Good night (6995) Bad night (1111)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I think you may want to look into that...

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  (519): someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement" (403): I think you may want to look into that... http://tfl.nu/qglv
  Replies (5) Good night (934) Bad night (2867)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.

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  (860): i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge. http://tfl.nu/tn6n
  Replies (11) Good night (964) Bad night (2367)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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  (859): she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery? http://tfl.nu/4aiq
  Replies (24) Good night (6455) Bad night (806)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.

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  (614): I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose. http://tfl.nu/hj91
  Replies (23) Good night (809) Bad night (1982)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.

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  (781): i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens. http://tfl.nu/yex4
  Replies (6) Good night (1287) Bad night (511)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Do you think county jail has a Groupon?

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  (254): Do you think county jail has a Groupon? http://tfl.nu/zc61
  Replies (17) Good night (949) Bad night (566)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?

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  (253): How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head? http://tfl.nu/0ahi
  Replies (6) Good night (777) Bad night (560)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.

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  (320): I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice. http://tfl.nu/yhhi
  Replies (6) Good night (1271) Bad night (323)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.

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  (317): Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things. http://tfl.nu/c5bt
  Replies (3) Good night (837) Bad night (232)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.

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  (412): My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler. http://tfl.nu/7ja0
  Replies (14) Good night (789) Bad night (301)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.

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  (708): Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/bjgi
  Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my entire left arm went numb

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms

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  (615): my entire left arm went numb (1-615): you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms http://tfl.nu/7l90
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (243)

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