Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"