i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.