I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.