Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
