ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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