and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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