so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize