Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
