What a fucking waste of an outfit
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
