She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
