oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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