I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
