She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
