omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
