My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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