he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
