I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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