Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
