I accidentally burped into my bong.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
