home. puking in laundry basket.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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