I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
