anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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