You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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