I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i think i just lost a toe
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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