Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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