Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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