What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
