I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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