I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize